Sunday, March 12, 2006

RICHARD SIMMONS vs MARTIN SHORT

10 Comments:

Blogger chimmychummy said...

you old fucks can't resist twisting each others titties, can you?

you: "i'm thirty. i remember being young and neat. here are the things that were happening back when i could run and laugh and love. also, i am irony king. listen. please listen. i buy toys still. i buy the same thing i did back then. i still tallk about tv from back then. hey, guys, i'm charles in control. actually, though, i put the rest of america to sleep wiht my self-fucking."

admit it. cry. then post some fucking comic book content that actually matters.

7:35 PM  
Blogger neogeomancer said...

You guys ever see that Law and Order SVU where Martin Short was a creep who killed ladies? You remember the point where you thought, "Man, Martin Short. I can totally believe this". Nah, neither do i. He would still beat Simmons though, despite the fact the Simmons has been hungry for years.

1:37 PM  
Blogger mal havoc said...

This is maybe the most disgusting fight yet - even more disgusting than E.T. versus Naked Webster.

I think Martin Short would take simmering Simmons in a heartbeat unless he was in his Jiminy Glick disguise. No wait - if he was in his Jiminy disguise, Simmons would probably start bursting into tears and skip/float/prance over to him and offer to help him.

At that point, Jiminy might just crush Simmons with his bare fake-fat hand or sit on him or something to that effect.

8:35 AM  
Blogger The Antiquarian said...

Does anyone else think of sweaty torn underwear when they think of Richard Simmons?

I can't be alone in this...

1:03 PM  
Blogger GOLGOZOMOTH said...

this is really the grossest thing that i can think of. and yes, antiquarian, i do.
in a fight...well, we all know that simmons is rough on hookers...

4:57 PM  
Blogger larsface said...

Despite knowing that Martin would get an irritating amount of vaseline coated glitter in his eyes, I think he would still win. No one would want Simmons to win. He's just wrong.

1:58 PM  
Blogger ranchburger said...

If "Charles In Charge" had actually been called "Charles In Control" it would have had completely different parameters for Scott Baio's role. Instead of being the advice-giving; well-liked; trustworthy; overwhelmed young...whatever it was that he got paid to do there, he would have to portray a grittier, if-you-want-some-advice-talk-to-your-fucking-shrink-you-little-rich-assholes, type of...whatever his job title was, who ruled the household with an iron fist.

Richard Simmons is in better shape than Martin Short and would be aided by the fake tan/body lube so that he would be difficult to grab and blows would just glance off of him. Martin Short would probably see a mirror and distract himself with a horribly flowing medley of female celebrity impersonations. When he reached Ethel Merman, Simmons would finally have enough and high kick Short's face into the mirror. Simmons final act would be to slice Short's rubbery countenance with Deal-A-Meal cards and rub perfumed, bronzed sweat into the cuts.

11:15 AM  
Blogger elminster92 said...

who is "charles in control"?? i like the comic book ones. i think martin Short will win this contest?

4:23 PM  
Blogger larsface said...

Ranchburger is brilliant.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Chus said...

This is what I think: Richard Simmons

4:08 AM  

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