Thursday, March 02, 2006



Blogger neogeomancer said...

Balki is a cactus? Balki is a mattress? Balki is a gloworm?

Balki cannot fight sans arms. Balki sucks. Cousin Larry takes this one all the way home.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Michael Tonight said...

Balki gets no respect, and as a result a) is likely to be underestimated and b) has nothing to lose. Besides, his only disadvantage is that he is socially awkward in America. that doesn't mean he don't know which nuts to kick.

Cousin Larry, on the other hand, is caution and anxiety incarnate, which adds up to a lousy fighter.

7:49 PM  
Blogger chimmychummy said...

do you know what adds up to a lousy fight?

5:57 AM  
Blogger The Antiquarian said...

I'll take Cousin Larry on this. Ya, he is the very skittish and neurotic but he actually tends to share many of the traits of a super villian - not much to look at, but a very paranoid and calculating person who is more likely to kill you on the way to the fight than actually taking you one on one.

I bet Cousin Larry knows the best offense is defense & trickery - and let's not confuse ourselves, Balki was shitting in a hole in the ground a week before coming to the US - he couldn't identify a trap if there were big blinking signs pointing it out.

If we take the time to examine the depth of each's character I think you will also find Balki provides no real challenge to Larry who spends his time duking it out in the treacherous business world.

12:45 PM  
Blogger The Antiquarian said...

...but Larry's bunny shoes and Balki's prickly pear skin make we wonder if I too am underestimating Balki...

12:46 PM  
Blogger GOLGOZOMOTH said...

current day broson pincho (the actor) would be so fucking upset right now with the state of his once-incendiary-blaze-to-the-top-career-now-dinner-theater-star
that he would probably be able to summon the strength of ten balkis and kick holes through cousin larry.

4:03 PM  
Blogger mal havoc said...

Unfortunately, I've seen Balki on The Surreal Life in which he showed no sense of decency or pride as he chased this horrible "woman" creature around the house while panting like a cocker spaniel in heat.

Because he has no pride, I'm gonna say that Balki would simply cower and bawl in pain whilst pleading with Cousin Larry to stop kicking his ass. I'm sure by this point Cuz has staked out some prime real estate choices and is filthy rich and livin' it up. He doesn't care about his lack of stardom 'cos The Cuz is cool with being rich and having his choice of his female fans. All two of 'em.

Did everybody catch my "whilst"? I'm pretty proud of that.

9:59 PM  
Blogger The Concrete Treehouse Consortium said...

Balki would win, that mother-fucker can bite, have you seen the fucking teeth in that grill. Cousin Larry, always kind of reminded me of a turd. So would bite the living shit out of that walking pinch face loaf.

8:00 PM  
Blogger larsface said...

I just hope they destroy each other.

12:19 PM  
Blogger arsonbear said...

i gotta go with chimmy on this one.... both these dudes are PUSSIES. everyone loses, but mostly us, having to watch these weaklings slap each other for hours on end.

2:29 PM  

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